Beware of Perfectionism by Ken West
[The following is from the forthcoming book by Ken West, Motive Power, used with permission from the publisher, Better Grip Media LLC. Permission is also granted to anyone wishing to forward this post or to repost it in its entirety as long as the author credits and links at the bottom of this excerpt are included in any sharing or reposting.]
David was a horn player who seldom played in public. He never thought he was good enough. He’d spend hours practicing each day, but seldom seemed satisfied with the result. His musician friends tried to encourage him to appear with them at local gigs or open-mike nights. He always declined, saying, “I’m not good enough yet.”
One night he went to hear an excellent jazz horn player named Brother Klive at a local cabaret. After the show was over, David went up to the musician to tell him how much he enjoyed it, and ask him for advice on how to perfect his technique. David told him how hard he was practicing to get ready to be good enough to perform.
Brother Klive asked him how many gigs he was doing. David said he wasn’t good enough to perform in public yet.
“There’s your mistake,” said the musician. “You can’t get better only by practicing. You’ve got to play before real audiences any chance you get. When I was a bartender at a local jazz club, I used to have my horn right behind the bar. On slow afternoons, I’d pull it out and start playing for the few people sitting around the bar. Sometimes they appreciated it, and sometimes they didn’t. Either way, I began to learn what worked and what didn’t.”
“My advice to you, David, is to play that thing in front of real people. Audiences not only listen, but they help you perfect your technique. They give instant feedback. You can see it in their faces. Practicing is good, but it’s not enough. You need to perform in front of people.”
David listened. Soon he was performing in every venue he could find. He eventually went on to become a seasoned and working musician.
Perfectionism is not the legitimate seeking of the best you are capable of achieving. Rather, it is the feeling that you are inadequate and not up to the job. It is a habit of always getting ready to get ready, seeking some impossible ideal of perfection when the task at hand simply needs to get done as best you can.
The problem with perfectionism is that it places such a burden of proof on your shoulders that it can prevent you from taking any action for fear of never being good enough.
For instance, one of the reasons that some people have a difficult time learning new activities is that they place an undue stress of getting everything perfect the first time. Most of the time it can’t be done. You must give yourself permission to be lousy—at the beginning stages of any non-life-threatening activity. Then, slowly and steadily, you begin to get better.
Another aspect of perfectionism is thinking that others are better than you are. You become fearful of any comparison. If you decide to do a task, you work to get it perfect before letting anyone see it. That is fine for some things, but life requires you to go with what you have (in non-life threatening activities), imperfect as they may be. You also need the input of other people at appropriate times.
Another hazard of perfectionism is the taking of so many educational courses essentially to avoid action and the possibility of failure. For example, when I was beginning my short-lived career in real estate I kept signing up for special courses that were offered. Unfortunately, I wasn’t selling any real estate because I was too busy learning how to be perfect.
Perfectionism is not the state of trying to be one’s best. It is a state of denial, trying to achieve an impossible perfection rather than a possible outcome. You should strive for perfection in the long term, but achieve the best that is possible to you in the short term.
There are times when seeking perfection is vital, such as life and death situations. Yet, for most of us, an undue seeking of perfection in everyday activities can lead to frustration and non-achievement.
“Perfectionism is the enemy of creation, as extreme self-solitude is the enemy of well-being.” —John Updike
“Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough…”—Julia Cameron
“In order to go on living one must try to escape the death involved in perfectionism.” —Hannah Arendt
Questions for Self Reflection:
• Am I a perfectionist in areas that don’t require immediate perfection?
• Is there some activity that I’m working on now which I am seeking to be perfect, but could go with what I have?
[The following is from the forthcoming book by Ken West, Motive Power, used with permission from the publisher, Better Grip Media LLC. Permission is also granted to anyone wishing to forward this post or to repost it in its entirety as long as the author credits and links at the bottom of this excerpt are included in any sharing or reposting.]
David was a horn player who seldom played in public. He never thought he was good enough. He’d spend hours practicing each day, but seldom seemed satisfied with the result. His musician friends tried to encourage him to appear with them at local gigs or open-mike nights. He always declined, saying, “I’m not good enough yet.”
One night he went to hear an excellent jazz horn player named Brother Klive at a local cabaret. After the show was over, David went up to the musician to tell him how much he enjoyed it, and ask him for advice on how to perfect his technique. David told him how hard he was practicing to get ready to be good enough to perform.
Brother Klive asked him how many gigs he was doing. David said he wasn’t good enough to perform in public yet.
“There’s your mistake,” said the musician. “You can’t get better only by practicing. You’ve got to play before real audiences any chance you get. When I was a bartender at a local jazz club, I used to have my horn right behind the bar. On slow afternoons, I’d pull it out and start playing for the few people sitting around the bar. Sometimes they appreciated it, and sometimes they didn’t. Either way, I began to learn what worked and what didn’t.”
“My advice to you, David, is to play that thing in front of real people. Audiences not only listen, but they help you perfect your technique. They give instant feedback. You can see it in their faces. Practicing is good, but it’s not enough. You need to perform in front of people.”
David listened. Soon he was performing in every venue he could find. He eventually went on to become a seasoned and working musician.
Perfectionism is not the legitimate seeking of the best you are capable of achieving. Rather, it is the feeling that you are inadequate and not up to the job. It is a habit of always getting ready to get ready, seeking some impossible ideal of perfection when the task at hand simply needs to get done as best you can.
The problem with perfectionism is that it places such a burden of proof on your shoulders that it can prevent you from taking any action for fear of never being good enough.
For instance, one of the reasons that some people have a difficult time learning new activities is that they place an undue stress of getting everything perfect the first time. Most of the time it can’t be done. You must give yourself permission to be lousy—at the beginning stages of any non-life-threatening activity. Then, slowly and steadily, you begin to get better.
Another aspect of perfectionism is thinking that others are better than you are. You become fearful of any comparison. If you decide to do a task, you work to get it perfect before letting anyone see it. That is fine for some things, but life requires you to go with what you have (in non-life threatening activities), imperfect as they may be. You also need the input of other people at appropriate times.
Another hazard of perfectionism is the taking of so many educational courses essentially to avoid action and the possibility of failure. For example, when I was beginning my short-lived career in real estate I kept signing up for special courses that were offered. Unfortunately, I wasn’t selling any real estate because I was too busy learning how to be perfect.
Perfectionism is not the state of trying to be one’s best. It is a state of denial, trying to achieve an impossible perfection rather than a possible outcome. You should strive for perfection in the long term, but achieve the best that is possible to you in the short term.
There are times when seeking perfection is vital, such as life and death situations. Yet, for most of us, an undue seeking of perfection in everyday activities can lead to frustration and non-achievement.
“Perfectionism is the enemy of creation, as extreme self-solitude is the enemy of well-being.” —John Updike
“Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough…”—Julia Cameron
“In order to go on living one must try to escape the death involved in perfectionism.” —Hannah Arendt
Questions for Self Reflection:
• Am I a perfectionist in areas that don’t require immediate perfection?
• Is there some activity that I’m working on now which I am seeking to be perfect, but could go with what I have?
Ken West is a former U.S. Army paratrooper and the author of Get What You Want, available worldwide on Amazon.com and other fine online booksellers. In the U.S. at http://www.amazon.com/dp/0982577702. West is a former President of the New England Chapter of the National Speakers Association, and Association of Objectivist Businessmen. If you would like Ken to speak to your business or organization, he can be reached at kenwest@bettergripmedia.com. To receive information about the upcoming book, Motive Power, go to http://motivepower.us/ and click on the Contact Button.
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